Permission to stop pretending you’re someone you’re not.
There’s a long list of things I thought I should be doing, because “normal” people do them, because influencers swear by them, or because some part of me thought they’d make me a better human.
Spoiler: they didn’t.
Here’s what I’ve stopped forcing – and how that’s actually made life softer, calmer, and more manageable with AuDHD.
1. Wearing bras that hurt
I used to power through underwires and straps digging into my ribcage because I thought I had to. Now? I wear soft crop tops or nothing at all. And I’m far less likely to rip my clothes off mid-afternoon in a sensory meltdown.
2. Cooking from scratch every night
I like cooking… sometimes. But expecting myself to do it daily while exhausted and overstimulated? Cruel. I use HelloFresh, batch cook when I have energy, and repeat the same easy breakfast and lunches most weeks. No shame.
3. Agreeing to plans straight away
I try to pause before instantly agreeing to things. Do I truly want to do this? Can I get back to you next week? I’ve started stepping back from over-committing in the moment and give myself time to think it through first. When I remember!
4. Making everything “efficient”
Not everything has to be optimised. Stacking tasks to save 4 minutes often leaves me frazzled and annoyed. I’d rather do one thing at a time, imperfectly, than try to squeeze productivity out of joy.
5. Forcing social plans
There’s a difference between pushing yourself gently and pushing yourself into shutdown. I no longer make plans “just because I should.” I see people when I want to. I recover better, and I enjoy it more.
6. Pretending I’m not tired
I get tired easily, mentally, emotionally, socially. I used to feel guilty about that. Now I factor in recovery time the way other people factor in sleep. I don’t apologise for needing quiet time after social things or demanding days. I need to come down and recover. It’s not lazy, it’s maintenance.
7. Trying to be a morning person
No, Absolutely not. I can function in the morning, sure, but I will never enjoy it. I stopped trying to make 6am workouts or journaling happen. My brain works best in the late afternoon. I’ve made peace with that.
8. Forcing couple time in the evenings
I used to think I should sit with my husband and watch TV after dinner. That not doing so was rude, antisocial, or unloving. But honestly? I need quiet. I need to control my environment and sound levels.
Now, once dinner’s done, my noise-cancelling headphones go on. I let myself slide into a research rabbit hole online and let my brain decompress from the day without small talk or pretending to care about pew-pew noises on the surround sound.
My husband doesn’t care. He gets to watch what he wants. He’s focused. I get to chill. I just had to lose the guilt.
What I Gained
- Less shame
- More energy
- Fewer meltdowns
- A version of life that actually suits me
I still do hard things. I still push myself sometimes. But I don’t fight my brain every single day anymore.
If something feels hard all the time, not just occasionally, but relentlessly – maybe it’s not a lack of effort.
Maybe it’s just not meant for you.
And maybe letting it go is the best thing you’ll ever do.